It’s the last thing you wanted. The last thing you expected. The marriage is over. The house is empty. Gone are the days of happy matrimony. You’re left to pick up the pieces. What now? And how will the church treat you? Will you be accepted or rejected? Talk about it? Never. Not to the church family. It’s viewed as the unpardonable sin. Best to keep that pain to yourself. Right?
Some have appropriately said that “divorce is a pain worse than death.” I stand behind that statement. Divorce is a painful experience that can leave people feeling lost, alone, and confused. It can be especially difficult for Christians, who may feel like they have failed God or that they are being punished for their sins. Even if it’s a “scriptural divorce,” some feel the scarlet letter “D” might as well be written across their forehead.
Stop. Breathe. Open your eyes to the promises of God! I’m sorry you are hurting. I’m sorry for the shame and ridicule you might feel. This brother in Christ wants to bring you hope. In fact, the Bible offers hope and healing for those who have gone through divorce.
God Loves You No Matter What
He understands your pain. God knows what it is like to be betrayed and abandoned. He has been there for you through everything, and He will continue to be there for you as you heal from your divorce. He does not abandon His children (John 14:18).
He wants you to heal (Jeremiah 29:11). God does not want you to stay stuck in your pain. He wants you to move forward and find joy again. He will give you the strength and courage you need to do this. His abundant comfort and grace will be sufficient for you (II Corinthians 12:9).
He has a plan for your life. Even though your marriage has ended, God still has a plan for you. It doesn’t end with a divorce decree. You may not see it now, but He will use this experience to make you stronger and more compassionate. He will use it to help you grow closer to Him. Suffering is part of the journey for disciples of Christ (Acts 14:22, II Timothy 3:12).
He will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5). Even when you feel like you are all alone, God is always with you. He will never abandon you. He will be your comfort and strength during this difficult time. No matter the highs and lows, He can be your Rock and Fortress (Psalm 18:2).
He will defend you. God is your Defender (Psalm 65:5-7). He can handle your enemies. He urges us to pursue faith, hope and love, not vengeance or bitterness. He knows the truth. He knows the depth of your pain. Let Him work things together for your good (Romans 8:28). He can make a way.
If you are going through a divorce, please know that you are not alone. There are many people who have gone through what you are going through, and they have come out on the other side stronger and more resilient. There are many resources available to help you heal and move forward.
The Road to Healing
Talk to God. Everyday. Multiple times a day (I Thessalonians 5:17) Pray for Him to help you heal. He will give you the strength and courage you need to get through this. His power is your greatest asset in this season of life (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). Take your burdens to the cross of Calvary. Take your pain to the throne room of God. He is eager to hear your voice.
Focus on your healing. It may seem difficult, but you need to think about yourself. It is important to concentrate on your own mental well-being during this time. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating healthy, and exercising. Rediscover your own needs and wants. Realign your priorities (Psalm 147:3).
Seek counseling or professional help. If you are struggling to cope with your divorce, it may be helpful to seek professional help from a therapist or Christian counselor. They can help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. We need to remove the stigma of going to therapy or counseling. Everyone needs help from time to time (Proverbs 11:14, 15:22, 24:6). It’s natural to seek guidance.
Forgive yourself and your ex-spouse. This is a hard one. It may not happen for a long time, but it’s essential to your own mental wellness. Forgiveness is an important part of the healing process (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3;13). Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made, and forgive your ex-spouse for any hurt they caused you. Their soul is valuable to God. They need Jesus too.
When you are ready, talk to a trusted friend or family member. It can be helpful to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. They can offer you support and encouragement. Keep the circle small but form an army of prayer warriors (James 5:16). You need friends who will get in the trenches with you and pray you through the storm.
Join a support group. There are many divorce support groups available. These groups can provide you with a safe place to share your feelings and connect with other people who are going through the same thing. If your church doesn’t have a one, try to start one. You don’t have to meet at the building. Just meet a few times a month to pray and heal together.
Not the End of the World
You couldn’t convince me of this in the midst of the pain, but the pain will subside. It will never completely disappear, but it will ease in time. Divorce is a difficult experience, but it is not the end of the world.
With God's help, you can heal and move forward. You can find happiness again. You can have a fulfilling life. It is essential that you realize God has a plan for your life and that He will use this experience to make you stronger and more compassionate. Your survival gives hope to others.
Support the Innocent & Minister to the Hurting
The Bible tells us that we should support the innocent and minister to the hurting (Exodus 22:22, James 1:27). If you know someone who is going through a divorce, please reach out to them and offer your support. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care.
God has called His church to be the hands and feet of Jesus (I Corinthians 12:12-27). We need to keep our eyes open to the hurting. If you want to help, there are things you can do. Ephesians 2:10 teaches us that we are God's workmanship, created to do good works.
Listen to them. Let them talk about their feelings without judgment (Matthew 7:1-6). Do your best not to give bad advice. Don’t assume you know the whole story. Just listen. I’ve seen far too many people give bad advice. Unless you’re trained in mental health, therapy, or counseling, just try to listen.
Pray for them. Pray for their healing and strength. Pray for their ex-spouse. Pray for their families (especially any children). Pray for the courts. Pray for the attorneys. Pray for the church family who is called to minister to them. Pray for your own wisdom.
Encourage them to seek professional help. If they are struggling to cope, encourage them to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. It’s never a good idea to fight a spiritual battle on your own when you can be equipped with weapons and armor. Stand with them and help them.
Be patient (James 5:7-8). Healing from divorce takes time. Be patient with your friend and let them know that you will be there for them every step of the way. Don’t allow doubt, negativity, gossip, or backbiting to take root. You’re better than that. Pursue peace.
If you are able, offer practical help. Help them with tasks like childcare, errands, food, or moving. You might be surprised what good can come from mowing a yard, gifting a Door Dash card, picking up the kids from school, or hosting a play date. The little things can mean so much.
Divorce is a difficult experience, but it is not something that people have to go through alone. By supporting the innocent and ministering to the hurting, we can help people heal and move forward. We can show them the love of God.
Finding Wholeness Again
The journey through divorce is undeniably one of the most challenging a person can face. It can leave us feeling shattered, questioning everything we thought we knew about ourselves, love, and the future. The initial sting of loss, the confusion, the anger, etc., these are all valid and deeply felt emotions. But as we've explored, this isn't the end of the story.
Remember that the cracks left by this seismic shift don't have to define you. Instead, they can become pathways for new growth, spiritual maturity, deeper understanding, and a more authentic version of yourself to emerge. Embrace the process, however messy it may feel. Allow yourself the space to grieve, to heal, to grow, and to learn from the experiences that have shaped you.
The path to recovery is rarely linear. There will be good days and bad, moments of strength and times of overwhelming sadness. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Surround yourself with supportive people who offer understanding and encouragement, and don't hesitate to seek professional guidance.
Ultimately, divorce recovery is about reclaiming your narrative. It's about recognizing your inherent worth, independent of any relationship. It's about rediscovering your passions, rebuilding your life on your own terms, and embracing the possibilities that lie ahead.
Speak over yourself. You are loved. You are resilient. You are capable. You are worthy of joy and happiness. You are God’s chosen vessel. You can do this! You can enjoy a place of peace, strength, and renewed hope.
So, take a deep breath. Look forward with courage, and know that even from the most broken of places, a beautiful and whole future can bloom. The journey may be difficult, but the destination is absolutely within your reach. May God be with you! Have a great week!
You are loved.
Ray Reynolds, PhD
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