Does the "Let Them" Theory Align With the Christian Faith?
- Ray Reynolds, Ph.D.
- 12 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Mel Robbins' "Let Them" theory has been making waves, and at its core, it's about releasing the need to control other people's thoughts, feelings, and actions. It's about accepting that everyone is on their own journey, making their own choices, and living with the consequences. As Christians, how can we reconcile this seemingly secular idea with our faith? I believe there's a powerful synergy here, one that can lead to greater peace and a deeper reliance on God.
Robbins encourages us to identify the "them" in our lives – the people whose opinions we obsess over, whose choices we try to micromanage, whose approval we desperately seek. This could be family members, friends, colleagues, or even strangers on the internet. The "Let Them" theory involves consciously deciding to release our grip on their lives and focus on our own.
As Misty and I’ve immersed ourselves into the world of life coaching and mental wellness we’ve been impressed with the unique perspective of Robbins. Though we might not agree on all matters we’ve come to appreciate the “Let Them” theory. If you’ve read her books, watched her TikToks, or followed her social media pages you might be wondering if there’s a Christian element. Does it align with the Bible? Personally, I think this resonates deeply with 5 key biblical principles.
1. Recognizing God's Sovereignty: The Bible teaches us that God is ultimately in control. He is the Potter, and we are the clay (Isaiah 64:8, Jeremiah18, Romans 9:20-21). While we are called to love and guide one another, we must acknowledge that each individual stands before God, accountable for their own choices (Romans 14:12, Hebrews 9:27). Trying to force our will upon others usurps God's authority and creates unnecessary stress for ourselves. "Letting them" is an act of acknowledging God's sovereignty and trusting His plan for their lives, even if it looks different from what we would choose.
2. Embracing Free Will: God created humanity with the gift of free will (Genesis 3, John15:16, Romans 3:23). While this allows for the possibility of sin and choices that grieve us, it is a fundamental aspect of our being made in His image (Ephesians 4:24). Just as God respects our freedom to choose Him (or not), we are called to respect the autonomy of others. Trying to control their decisions, even with good intentions, can be a form of manipulation and disrespects the image of God within them. "Letting them" honors their God-given privilege to make their own choices.
3. Focusing on Our Own Walk: Jesus constantly called His followers to focus on their own spiritual growth. He famously said, "Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and ignore the plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3). Our energy is often better spent examining our own hearts, seeking God's guidance for our lives, and striving to live according to His will. When we are consumed with trying to fix or change others, we neglect our own journey of sanctification. "Letting them" frees us to focus on our personal relationship with Christ.
4. Trusting in God's Love & Grace: It can be incredibly difficult to watch loved ones make choices that we believe are harmful or misguided. However, as Christians, we are called to trust in God's unfailing love and His ability to work in their lives, even through their mistakes (Romans 8:28). Our constant worry and attempts to control often stem from a lack of trust in God's grace and His power to redeem. It seems that the prodigal father may have employed this theory on both of his sons (Luke 15). "Letting them" is an act of faith, believing that God's love can reach them and that He can use even difficult circumstances for His glory.
5. Setting Healthy Boundaries: The "Let Them" theory isn't about abandoning those we care about or condoning harmful behavior. Instead, it's about establishing healthy boundaries. We can love and support people without taking responsibility for their choices or allowing their actions to dictate our emotional well-being. We can shake the dust from our feet and wait patiently for them to choose wisely (Matthew 10:14, Luke 9:5). We can offer guidance and speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), but ultimately, we must release the outcome to God.
Finally, while Mel Robbins' "Let Them" theory originates from a secular perspective, its core message of releasing control and focusing on our own lives aligns beautifully with Christian principles. By acknowledging God's sovereignty, respecting free will, prioritizing our own spiritual growth, trusting in God's love, and setting healthy boundaries, we can find a deeper sense of peace and freedom.
So, who is the "them" in your life today? Perhaps it's time to take a step back, offer a prayer, and whisper, "Let them." And in doing so, find a deeper connection with the One who truly holds all things in His hands. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
You are loved.
Ray Reynolds, PhD
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