Weathering the Storms Together: How To Navigate Marital Conflict
- Ray Reynolds, Ph.D.
- 12 minutes ago
- 6 min read
Marriage has its share of storms. I’m not talking about disagreements or stress over chores, but serious challenges that test your commitment and bond. Whether it's financial hardship, illness, loss, infidelity, or a crisis of faith, these storms can leave you feeling battered and exhausted. But, just as a house built on a solid foundation can withstand the harshest tempest, a marriage grounded in faith can weather any storm.
Some of us could probably share harrowing stories of survival. We may still bear the scars and nightmares of past hurricanes. However, if you’re reading this blog, you’ve probably found a way to endure by trusting in your Captain. You may already know that the Bible offers us guidance and strength to navigate these turbulent times. If you haven’t leaned on these great passages, I urge you to take a pen and write down these words of hope!
Building a Foundation on the Rock
Jesus, in Matthew 7:24-27, tells the parable of the wise and foolish builders. The wise man built his house on the rock, and when the storms came, it stood firm. The foolish man built on sand, and his house was destroyed. This "rock" is the foundation of faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings.
To build your marriage on this Rock, prioritize your shared faith. Make faith a central part of your relationship. Pray together, read the Bible, and seek God's guidance as a couple. Let Sunday worship have preeminence in your life. Don’t let anything distract you from being together with the saints on the first day of the week.
Become obedient to God's Word, without reservation. Strive to live according to biblical principles in your marriage. This includes love, respect, forgiveness, honor, preference, and commitment. If you have children, make sure that they are taught biblical principles before they can even talk or walk (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).
Another way to build on the Rock is to practice honesty. Be genuine with one another. Develop open and honest communication. Be willing to listen, understand, and speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Don’t avoid the difficult topics. Great biblical marriages are built on trust and good communication.
Finding Shelter in the Storm
Even with a strong foundation, storms will still come. The Bible offers comfort and practical advice for navigating these difficult times. For instance, many of you know that I love the book of Ecclesiastes! Solomon does a wonderful job of showing how to build upon a solid foundation.
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Solomon highlights the strength found in togetherness. He concludes that “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Clearly, the three strands stand for a husband, a wife, and their God! When a marriage is built upon God, and both are committed to keeping their vows, it cannot be easily broken. My Grandpa Charlie once told me, “If a spouse turns their back on God, they’re gonna turn their back on the marriage. That always comes first.” I believe that. Don’t abandon ship.
Strong couples learn to lean on each other. We should be a source of strength and encouragement for our spouse. Remember that you are a team—one forged and strengthened by the Creator. Don’t give up on one another. Don’t abandon hope. Isaiah 43:2 assures us that God is with us in the midst of trouble. We must trust in God's faithfulness. He will not abandon you. Seek His guidance and peace.
Marriage was strategically and intentionally the first institution God created. It began in the garden with Adam & Eve. Why? There is power in the union of two believers! Strong Christians build strong marriages. Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families build strong churches. Strong churches build strong communities. Strong communities build strong nations. All can be traced to one’s faith in God.
Practical Steps for Hurricane Preparedness
Forgive one another. Colossians 3:13 emphasizes the importance of forgiveness. Extend grace to your spouse. Holding onto resentment or hurt will only deepen the divide. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t burn bridges. Stand beside your vows. When necessary, consider counseling and seek spiritual guidance. Your marriage is worth it. This leads me to another thought…
Seek wise counsel, not advice from fools. And, yes, some of our friends and families can qualify as foolish. Don't be afraid to seek help from your elders, ministers, counselors, or trusted mentors. Find an inner circle of spiritual friends that will not promote gossip or judgment. Hold yourself accountable when mistakes are made. Do not blame your spouse for all of your problems. A good friend will remind you of your commitment to God and your spouse. If they aren’t helping you bail water, their only a distraction.
Love one another. This should be obvious, but couples often express that love wanes. Romance subsides. Passion burns out. But a God-fearing, vow-honoring, humble child of God must never allow hate to replace love. Maybe it’s not hate, but indifference or apathy that’s tearing at your heart. Remember why you chose each other. I Peter 4:8 reminds us that love covers a multitude of sins. Let love guide your actions and words. Choose to love even when it's difficult.
Find joy and contentment, whatever the cost. Stop focusing on temporary things. Pursue the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Misty and I are working diligently on a book with the tentative title “The Orchard of Us.” It revolves around the fact that God gives us everything we need to thrive in our marriages. We have everything we need in our helpmeet. Even in the midst of hardship, look for small moments of joy and connection. Work together to find your way.
Pray for one another. Praying together connects you to God and to each other. That’s essential in building a strong marriage. However, how often do you lift up your spouse in prayer? Praise God for your relationship. Talk to God about all the things He has given you, including your spouse. Commit to talking to God about their God-given talents and the greatest blessings they’ve given you. Stop complaining about their flaws and their failures. Imagine if God spoke of you in the same manner. Build them up! Especially to your Heavenly Father. Offer intercession, not criticism.
Focus on what really matters and stay committed to doing your part (Ecclesiastes 9:10). Remind yourself that you cannot control everything. You can't control the storm, but you can control your response. You can’t stop the rain, but you can let it wash you clean. You can’t keep the ship from taking on water, but you can bail it out with all your might. Trust God's plan and let Him guide the ship. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works all things together for good. He’s got this. You can trust in Him.
A Few Final Thoughts
Surviving storms in marriage isn't easy, but it's possible with faith, commitment, and God's guidance. Remember that storms don't have to destroy your marriage; they can actually strengthen it, drawing you closer to God and to each other.
And so, as the winds of conflict finally begin to subside in your marriage, remember the strength you've unearthed together. You've navigated the churning waters, not unscathed perhaps, but certainly not broken. Cherish the hard-won lessons learned in the heart of the storm – the deeper understanding of each other's vulnerabilities, the resilience you never knew you possessed as a unit, and the unwavering anchor of your commitment. These trials, though painful, have the potential to weave an even richer tapestry into the fabric of your love story.
Don't underestimate the power of the calm that follows the tempest. It's in these moments of calm that healing truly takes root, where forgiveness can blossom, and where the gentle whispers of understanding can finally be heard. Nurture this peace diligently. Continue to build on the foundation of empathy and grace you've rediscovered. Let the memory of the storm serve not as a source of fear, but as a testament to your enduring love and the unwavering strength you find in facing life's challenges, hand in hand, heart to heart.
I wish I could promise you an uneventful journey, but the truth is that it isn't always smooth sailing. However, having weathered this together, you can emerge stronger, more deeply connected, and with an even greater appreciation for the precious harbor you've built in each other. You can survive any storm with the right Captain. But the crew can’t mutiny. He’s our only hope. The rainbow is your sign that something wonderful is on the horizon.
You are loved.
Ray Reynolds, PhD
****As I write these blogs I’d love to hear from you. What things have helped your marriage? Tell us about your storms and your healing journey. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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